Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Hope Springs, Day 10

So after yesterday's acupuncture session, I felt a bit restored. My doc was so kind and upbeat, and she gave me such confidence in my awesome kidney pulse fluttering away so fertilely. I began to think that maybe all hope wasn't lost...

And then a little later I felt hopeless again and cried. I got a bit of work done and sent it to my boss. I focused on snuggling Sam and feeling that mama love all over my body. I made dinner, watered the garden, did my shots. I took my supplements and listened to a fertility meditation on my headphones in bed. And while I was visualizing my secret fertile garden and the child who visits me there (Sam, plus a faceless glowbaby), I imagined my abdomen (can't bear to type "womb," blegh) as a place of life and not death. I imagined the black dust of death that has settled in there and pictured blowing it away and starting fresh. And I prayed for one more chance, please. Just one more good egg.

At today's scan there were 3 larger follicles as before, but a bunch of new ones on both ovaries are starting to take shape. I should've asked for an exact number---Damn those rushed nurse calls---but it sounded like several on each side. My estradiol is only up to 400, but that's double what it was 2 days ago. Maybe my ovaries will be capable of meeting all this aggressive stimulation with more than a cough and a wheeze. At least there's still some hope. It's not over yet. Next ultrasound on Friday.

1 comment:

Io said...

Let's go new follicles! Hopefully they get in gear!